Turn My Turbines 010 : Ghost Rider

Recently I saw Ghost Rider starring Nicholas Cage... I could end my blog there but I'll go into more detail. Here's what Turns My Turbines about Ghost Rider.

First off, Nicholas Cage doesn't make a good super hero. He hardly makes a good actor. He spent the majority of the movie looking more perplexed than Keanu Reeves did throughout the Matrix trilogy. Which brings me to my second point. Anyone ever notice that their striking similarity on seemingly having no actually idea of their current location, surroundings or who they are talking to? I believe that Nicholas cage is the father of Keanu Reeves. They should've gotten Arnold Schwarzenegger to star in the movie. California needs a break from his governating anyways. I've said this before and I'll say it again. People who are lacking basic perception of reality should not under any circumstances real or fake be given super powers.

The Ghost Rider powers themselves. Every time he used his special little power I was reminded of how casually characters like Goku and Vegeta could go Super Saiyan late into the Dragon Ball Z series. Unless you can transform into something like the Hulk, super powers should be powers, not transformations that make your head look small and your shoulders huge. If he was all bones wouldn't his pants fall down? Also it would be harder to stay together without any muscle. I don't think the supernatural quite covers those areas so someone should probably fix that. Another thing about Ghost Rider that I don't like. Why is it that the people with these craptacular powers only physically age to a certain point. I won't mention names but a semi key character in the film aging over 150 years only looks about 70ish. I understand these powers grant you immortality as long as you possess them but he should still look older than Palpatine. Also, if the price for these powers is your soul and you become immortal anyways doesn't that defeat the purpose of having to sell your soul in the first place. Nice work, Satan you really drive a hard bargain.

My last gripe with this film was the overall presentation or lack of it. Back to the Future had better special effects. Seriously it looked like computer generated clay animation also known as Gumby. Ooo real scary there. Evil Gumby. The dialog was just awful. Shitty puns, shittier quotes. They were about as funny as the short lived sitcom Andy Richter Controls the Universe and wanted to come up with the next over popular super hero movie quote to replace "With great power comes great responsibility". I have a great power. To tear shitty movies and things that piss me off apart. It's my responsibility to deliver my opinion to you. They failed miserably to amuse me in any way, shape, or form. In fact, I'm almost grateful those kids in front of us were such bastards because it distracted me from how bad the movie was.

Looking for a movie to see? If you're thinking about Ghost Rider just flush your money down the toilet. Saves you the time and I guarantee it's more entertaining. But if you're in the mood for a good movie I recommend Pan's Labyrinth.