Here's your sign. You might be a redneck. Git 'er done. We've heard them and I'm fuckin sick of them. Here's why Blue Collar Comedy Turns My Turbines.
There are so many things wrong with this it isn't funny. Just like the Dixie Chicks they've lost their roots and sold out for several TV and Pay Per View specials along with their own shitty tv show, Blue Collar TV which is basically a Nickelodeon cartoon show aimed at adults. Fart jokes and immature innuendo for all! So who's in the Blue Collar Comedy routine? Well you're in luck I'm going to tell you who each person is and then viciously tear them to shreds.
Jeff Foxworthy, the ring leader of his just as ugly but less murderous bizarros of The Devil's Rejects. This guy has to be a pedophile. The mustache and flannel shirt give that fact away more than a 12 year old girl living on the south side of Los Angeles. Not only does your appearance offend me but your voice makes it sound pleasant to force batteries into my ears as far as they'll go in. We all know his famous joke "You might be a redneck if..." everybody loves it, trying to make up their own unfunny and unoriginal spinoffs of the phrase. Well I have one for him. You might be an untalented hick if your name if Jeff Foxworthy.
Up next is Bill Engvall. He is to Jeff Foxworthy as Vader was to Sidious. Second best. He's practically just Foxworthy's little bitch. The best friend of the big star. Always in the shadow of the just as untalented but somehow more successful retard. His long drawls on his family which he ruthlessly pokes fun at on stage leads me to believe that they probably hate him. I have a sign for you Bill. It's called a divorce paper. Expect one.
Ron White, to me is the only one who I can consider remotely funny as he has the whole southern gentlemen thing going. Well he did at one point now he's basically a burnt out, drunk gentleman. He did 3 Comedy specials but didn't want to be typecasted with Blue Collar TV which he refused to do, though he appeared 7 times as a guest. Maybe he's just indecisive or maybe there was just a big dick in his tater salad so he made a crappy call on that. Either way I'm waiting for the day he dies of immolation on stage from drinking and smoking at the same time.
Larry the Cable Guy. The worst of the four in my opinion. He's the kind of guy who in real life you see walking down the street and just think "wow there's too much chlorine in that gene pool" We all remember the box office bomb that was Larry the Cable Guy : Health Inspector. Which is he? Cable guy or health inspector? Neither. He's an unfunny redneck who, despite less drug use but no doubt more drinking can somehow make less coherent sentences than Ozzy Osbourne. Git 'er done, Larry. Your life that is.
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1 comment:
Interesting to know.
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