Turn My Turbines 009 : Movie Theaters Experiences

Ladies and gents. I have a special rant for you tonight. 2 for the blog of 1.

Ah the movie theater. Sticky Floors, grotesque prices, and strangers sitting in your vicinity. Despite these awful things many people still enjoy the silver screen. It can be a good thing. Going to a movie after the hype dies down and having the theater virtually to yourself is great. But there are things that can completely ruin the experience for you. While going to see the new Marvel comic book film "Ghost Rider" these are some of the inconveniences I ran into.

Tweens. Any movie rated PG-13 or under has them. Kids between 11 and 14 and don't worry as with my experience and yours they travel in small packs to keep strong. So I'm trying to watch the movie and they keep talking, specifically the girls as they sit between boys to make the guys feel more secure about their still blossoming 3 inch penises. My standard when dealing with this is the occasional Shut the fuck up. However they wouldn't stop so I told the kid to put his dick in her mouth to keep her quiet. To which we were all called "faggots". I have to say, terms like that really get me. So original. So full of malice and scorn. He really showed me who the boss was... but I digress. The movie went on and after another little round of them talking and me telling them to shut their mouths the one xcore 13 year old starts yelling about how we're a bunch of fags and he'll kick our asses. At this point though he's practically yelling and making himself look like a huge ass in a rather crowed movie theater. Folks if you have to see a movie rated PG-13 or under see it at a later showing, around 10 or so or just wait a few weeks. You could just be like me and download the movie. The quality will be a bit questionable but for the price of nothing and the lack of little immature shit stains ruining my theater time it's worth it.

Guys with booming voices on cell phones. About 3/4s into the movie some prick about 5 seats to my right gets a phone call... Now I know to most people those "please turn off all cell phones" signs mean nothing but I do. I turn mine off. I don't want disturbed when I'm watching a movie. So his phone rings and of course rather than silence it like a normal person he answers. This is one of those guys with virtually no inside voice. Even though he was trying to whisper it was more like quiet yelling. It's never okay to talk on a cell phone during a movie. Texting is alright when done in moderation but if you're phone makes a cute little noise every time you get a text I will take your phone from you and whip it down the aisle because you'll never find it until the movie ends, the lights are on and everyone else has left. By then of course someone will have either picked it up, stepped on it or just thrown it away.

This last one I can't fully call but having dealt with it before I feel it's important to include it now. I heard several noises during the movie dealing with sloshing and wetness in general. It is my belief that 2 people either fornicated or the guy got head in a crowded theater. Way to charm the ladies. Seriously it shows both you and your girl of choice have class. Simple solution for this. Rent a movie. Stay at home. Do that in privacy. Paying that much money for tickets, popcorn and a drink and then getting head is practically prostitution on the girls part and the movie theaters part. Stop exploiting movie theaters now. However I'm a bit more lenient on the exploitation of women. There is no real way to deal with this problem unless you move and go sit with them until they stop or leave but I wouldn't suggest that.

3 ways to increase a pleasurable trip to the local theatre.

1. See rated R movies, or see lesser rated movies at later times

2. Do you part as a good customer. Turn off your phone and leave your lube in the car. You won't be needing it here

3. It is your job as not only a patron but as a fellow movie goer to stop any asshole activity in the vicinity. Whether by hitting a 12 year old in the back of the head, or by telling the guy on his phone to hang up or shut up.